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Friday 15 April 2022

A day in Maulvi's Paradise

 

 Don't know if it was a dream or a reality.  I just remember that when I opened my eyes I found myself in a very beautiful place.  The lush field on the right, the lush trees laden with flowers and fruits on the left, the beautiful lake of clear and clear water in front, the white clouds like cotton in the sky, the fragrance of perfume in the air, and the atmosphere filled with delightful songs.  Very cute little boys and girls were engaged in swimming and sports in the lake.  I was just stunned to see this charming scene.  Three things impressed me.  An abundance of colors.  I have never seen such a bright color in my life.  Spring of fruit and flowering plants of all kinds in other gardens.  The third is the fearless movement of birds and animals in the fields and orchards.  Later I found out that no animal here preys on any animal and everyone gets their food from plants.  I was so engrossed in enjoying these beautiful scenery of nature that I did not know when a spaceship landed and from it smiled and smiled NM Rashid, Faiz Ahmed Faiz, Ahmed Faraz, Nadeem Qasmi, Anwar Masood, Noor Jahan  , Reshma, Ghazala Nisar, and Shoaib bin Aziz were recovered.  According to Shoaib, the magnificent palace at the foot of the hill near the lake was Goethe's residence and they were all going there to participate in a mushaira.  I got along with them too.  The invited poets recited their new poems and ghazals with great enthusiasm.  He also met Shakespeare, Dante, Shelley, Milton, Emerson, Omar Khayyam, Saadi, Agha Hashar, Iqbal, and many other poets and philosophers.  Iqbal expressed his desire to meet Maulvi Ghazali and Maududi.  Shoaib said that these two gentlemen live in the paradise of Maulvis and this paradise coincidentally is where the boundary of our galaxy ends and the boundary of the neighboring galaxy begins.  When Anwar Masood found out that we were going to meet Ghazali and Maududi, he also joined Maulvi Orya Maqbool.  Under Shoaib's guidance, we traveled in a spacecraft many times faster than the speed of light and in a few minutes we reached the paradise of Maulvis.

 We were amazed to see that everything in heaven was either black or white.  In other words there were only two colors.  It was like autumn.  Tree stumps and greenery nowhere to be seen.  There are no animals except dogs and pigs.  Men with long unkempt beards and women in black burqas from head to toe.  There is no beauty in heaven, no smile on anyone's face.  There we first met Maulana Kausar Niazi.  We were surprised to see Kausar Niazi, a liberal and enlightened person in Maulvi's paradise.

 "Maulana, how did you get here? You were not a Maulvi!"

 He let out a cold sigh and said, "Don't call me Maulana. The world is obsessed with writing Maulana with his name. The angels understood Maulvi and sent him to the paradise of Maulvis."

 He revealed that autumn is here all year round, spring never comes.  Also, the suicide bombers have not only tormented the lives of the Maulvis but have created an atmosphere of fear and terror in the whole paradise.  They ask for maidens.  But poor Maulvi is tired of looking for maidens.  As soon as a suicide bomber sees a cleric, he grabs him and blows up both the bombs.  The angels come and reassemble the dismembered limbs.  Thus the Maulvi and the suicide bomber come back to life.

 When he met Mufti Mahmood, he started weeping.  She complained that these unlucky maidens did not even show their faces to their husbands.  God knows the face of the fairy or the witch.  Suddenly, his face turned red with anger and he started telling sailors to Maulvi Ghazali.  Maulvi Ghazali had claimed that a man's penis would stand upright for 24 hours in Paradise.  According to Mufti Mehmood, despite being injected with force and taking Viagra pills, this unfortunate person does not wake up even for a moment.

 It was learned from Kausar Niazi that Hazrat Qazi Hussain Ahmed Hazar had won but could not resolve the differences between the Maulvis.  Here also the mosque of Maulvi of each sect is different.  They also differ greatly on the number of prayers.  Ayatollah of Jaffaria jurisprudence suffices only three prayers day and night.  Deobandi, Akhwani, Wahhabi, Salafi, Takfiri, and written scholars consider the five obligatory prayers to be sufficient.  In their mosques, Barelvi Maulvis also perform Chasht, Ishraq and Tahajjud in congregation like the five obligatory prayers.  The so-called madmen of Madinah and Muhammad insist that the Holy Prophet was given the gift of fifty prayers in Ascension.  Therefore, praying less than fifty prayers is a grave sin.  In their mosques, they keep on praying day and night.  Don't do any other work.  The result is clear.  There were piles of dirt and filth everywhere in heaven and the stench and rot from them made my mind dizzy.

 Kausar Niazi revealed that it is not the maidens with black burqas, but the old wives of the Maulvis.  She considered the burqa to be the complete religion of Islam.  Now the burqa is clinging to his body.  Millions of attempts do not come down.  If they do not show their faces to their husbands, then it is not the fault of these poor people.  Now the burqa is their skin.  How to take off this fur.

 There was also news that an ayatollah was foolish enough to see his wife's face in secret.  The senses of helplessness were lost.  Have been in the can for over a year.  One day, when he regained consciousness for a while, he advised his followers, "Brothers, never see the face of Hur."  After saying so much, I went away again.

 We found Maulana Bhashani and Maulana Hazarawi but despite searching Bashir we could not find Hazrat Ghazali and Hazrat Maududi.  It turned out that the two men had become isolated in a remote corner of paradise for fear of suicide bombers.

 When Maulana Mufti found out about the poetry recitals in our "Hell" and the participation of Noor Jahan and Reshma in them, he became impatient to meet Noor Jahan and listen to his song.  Kausar Niazi whispered to us that Mufti Sahib had been in love with Noor Jahan in absentia and had been wearing burqa to listen to Madam's song.  We were boarding Mufti Mahmood in a spaceship when the angels of heaven threatened.  He told us that no one is allowed to step outside of heaven.  Mufti Mahmood's face hung.

 On his return journey, Hazrat Iqbal revealed that due to lack of beard and lack of prayers, fasting and Hajj in his book of deeds, he narrowly escaped going to Maulvi's "Paradise".

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